Farewell
This day, was a day of bittersweetness, that taste of saccharine tinged with the feeling of loss that comes with farewell. the relief that a part of our lives is now only a memory, taken together with the anxiety of that which is to come. the sensation is sickening yet alluring, choking yet liberating, repulsing yet oh so desirable...The emotion is one that is hard to describe. it is something that must be felt to understand, for no two people share the exact same sentiments. goodbye is never an easy thing. my story is not one of reunion, nor camaraderie, but rather one of loss, and realisation, here at the end of all days at TJC.
Loss can come in many forms. today it chose to manifest itself as belonging. the loss of belonging that comes when you are no longer part of something so integral to singaporean life as a school. for twelve years of my life it was all i have ever known to be constant. it was all i have ever known life to be about. life as a student involved transition from year to year and from institute to institute, but the core element was still there. i belonged to something. and for a person of my quiet character, belonging means a lot. now i find that i am no longer in a familiar circle of society. i am no student, nor worker. i cannot see the future of hope and greatness in myself that i see in others. i am a wanderer, a ghost, drifting, with only the memories of what was, and what could have been.
Yet even as this cold october day covers me with a frost born from the heart, a feeling of realisation dawns upon the emptiness, like a bright morning sun that warms the first of the spring flowers. i am a TJCian. i am a climber. TJCians don't quit. and climbers don't quit. not even when the odds are unfavourable. not even when there is no sign of better days ahead. not even when the end is so far away you can't see it. so i'm not going to quit living. i'm going to get over A levels and see where the road takes me. i'm going to stop looking for the end of the path and start smelling the flowers along the way.
And besides...
If living a little longer would allow me to see her one last time, why not?