Pass Out
Today I am supposed to feel like a new man. Like my officer commanding says, we are basic soldiers no more. And yet, I feel as if something is amiss. There is this feeling of emptiness, a dark shadow lurking in the corners, mocking me while my back is turned. I don't feel like the person I should be, I don't feel like the person others think I am, I don't feel like the person who is me.Does that make sense? I don't know. Somehow I cannot find a reason for my condition. Once more, my inner demons are tearing me up from the inside, and I can't keep everything together. There are some wounds so deep that they never show, but you can feel it there, lying hidden under your hopes and fears, waiting for the right moment to lunge and drag you down into a spiral of endless despair.
Sometimes I open my eyes and find myself more alone than ever before. The faces I once knew, the voices I once heard, they all seem to have faded away. Then my thoughts center around her once again. All I have is a memory of her, nothing more. Sometimes it drives me to the edge of sanity, because somehow I want something more than a vision of her, and sometimes it is all that keeps me going. It's like holding a rose. The thorns hurt you, make you bleed, but the flower is just so beautiful that the pain is worth it.
Perhaps if I had done something, things might have turned out differently. I've endured physical pain most people would consider extreme, but this is something totally different. It eats you up from the inside like a cancer, and there's no cure. Today I am supposed to feel like a new man, but I feel broken inside.
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